Right as Rain

As is my usual Wednesday routine, I am hanging out at Starbucks before Celebrate Recovery at 7 tonight.

This is me and Marcia at Starbucks. She wanted to put a straw in her hot beverage just so we could take this picture. What a team player.

I worked this morning, mostly alone, which was actually really nice. And there was a thunderstorm, which was also really nice.

This is not a picture of the office after it rained, but I once took a picture of a place after it rained, and I really liked it. This is the picture that I took and I really liked.

It's been a great week so far. I'm learning to be content, to appreciate, to say thanks. To be excited about the future without the accompanying feeling of anxiety. It's refreshing. It helps that I have a new book to read.

I'll be honest, though - I hate that I love it.

I'm getting really excited about The Bridge coffee business that is currently in the works. We want to start roasting and bagging our own coffee and then grinding and selling it on Sunday mornings to start raising money for the shop itself. Things should start happening in the next few weeks. We are, however, still trying to come up with a creative/clever name that doesn't include the word "grounds"...

...Groundsy Grounds...

Suggestions are welcomed and encouraged.

My residence has changed in the past couple of weeks, and it's been a great transition. Not that I didn't enjoy living with the former family, but there's something that's kind of fun about living with a bunch of single women (specifically, a mother and her 2 teenage daughters) again. It makes me miss my college roommates, though. I've done a little decorating in my new room/cave, and it really is feeling like home.

Speaking of feeling like home, it's fun to recognize people in Starbucks now. Since there are no legitimate coffee shops in Anderson, this place is sort of the hub of Anderson pastors. There's an older pastor - always in slacks and a tie - who frequently meets with his parishioners here. He must come here almost everyday. He walked up to me once while I was reading The Shack and commented on what light summer reading that must be. Friendly guy. But I really ought to start learning the names of the baristas, considering how many samples of Via concoctions they've served me.

Things are going well. God is faithful. He consistently and graciously reminds me that there is no need to be anxious about the future - to be thinking and planning, yes, but not to feel overwhelmed. To cast it on Him.

Last week, I was airing up one of my tires at a gas station, and a young man in fatigues walked up to me and offered to change it because it looked flat. Since I'm a helpless female and those kinds of things, I obviously let him. We made a little small talk, and I learned that he was 24, had been in Iraq, and had lupus. I asked him if he went to church around here, and after a pause and an interesting look, he told me he used to go but hadn't for awhile. He said he'd gotten some questions answered recently, though, and he may go back. I was a sheep and didn't ask any more questions, but I told him where I worked and when we had our Sunday services. I've been praying for him ever since. I never even got his name. But it would be incredible to see him there. To witness what God does in his life. To be a part of the work.

That's it for today. Hope all is well for you, wherever you are and whatever you do.

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I Shall Be Released

I'm trying to develop a more "it's whatever" attitude toward life. Not that I want to be apathetic and aloof, I just want to stop freaking out about everything. A coworker said it best when she observed how much of her time she spends being crazy. It's my J(udging) on steroids.

On the other hand, another coworker wondered aloud today what it would be like to see me get excited about something.

I wasn't excited about coming back to Anderson after being in Oklahoma for a week. I loved being in a place that was familiar--safe--where I didn't need to be in charge of anything or accountable to anyone. Where I could just breathe. And be. Where I really could be "it's whatever." I came back feeling really detached and... alien. Frustrated. But the week has gotten better and easier each day, and once again I am adapting and becoming content with someplace "new."

Today I realized that, in the last 13 months, I have "lived" in 4 different states: Alaska, Oklahoma, Illinois, and Indiana. That's sort of a big deal, right?

We had our Bridge staff retreat Wednesday and Thursday this week. We went to a lake house that had 3 balconies and a pontoon boat. I learned how to knee board. I talked about how I hated looking ridiculous. I decided that I wanted to make my job more meaningful than taking messages and writing reports. I don't really know what that looks like right now, but I do know that acknowledging the problem is the first step.

I don't have much to say for this week. Maybe next week will bring profound new revelations.

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Home

Well, it's Wednesday again. I'm currently (1) in Oklahoma (2) missing my Snuggie. It's always so cold in my house.

And, just in case anyone was curious, I DID put a hurt on a few Johnnie's onion rings... and a lot of other food. To make this post a little more interesting/colorful, I have decided to include pictures that I didn't take.

I also didn't order that entree, but it looks pretty good, doesn't it? They have the best cheese...

Anyway, I have also done a lot of sleeping.

I sleep in a bed--I just really liked this picture. And it really resonated with my faux-Asian heritage.

My mom and I have been watching a lot of this show.

We got each other all 10 seasons for Christmas! We were very surprised.

I have also been visiting little babies: my cousin Griffin (3 months) and best friend's son Joel (4 weeks). These are not them:

This evening, I caught a glimpse through the window of the most spectacular sunset I had ever witnessed. I quickly jumped in my car and drove the mile or so to the lake by our house. It had the most incredible pinks, oranges, and golden yellows... breathtaking. I couldn't get any good pictures in time, but it may have looked a little like this:

This Saturday night is the Taylor Family Shindig, in honor of my homecoming and the first-of-the-season game of our favorite team:

On Monday, I return to the world of 30 mph roads and being the church office mom... But things will be good there, too. Any maybe I'll even be ready for it. But, for now, I'm content to soak up as much time as I can with the fam and continue eating more than my poor tummy can handle. I'll regress to and turkey sandwiches and Ramen Noodles when the time comes.

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Grace's Amazing Hands

Today isn't too unusual, as far as Wednesdays go. Except for the fact that I drank coffee in the morning. I usually don't drink coffee in the morning. I would rather be moved gently and soothingly into a state of wakefulness by a cup of hot tea, not punched in the face by a cup of coffee. But today I opted to be punched in the face, and I never looked back.

Photo found here.

This week has been marked by a beautiful state of acceptance. Acceptance of what was, is, and is to come. An acceptance that drives me to move forward and to do so with grace. It's nice to be friends with reality, for once.

I read a devotional yesterday that talked about seeing the big picture as a mountain. If we get too focused or discouraged by each individual cleft or foothold--however insurmountable they may seem--we forget the glory of the summit we are to overcome. Each hurt, habit, and hangup is only a stepping stone to the blessing to come; the fulfillment of the promise that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6).

Photo found here.

I can honestly say that I'm really excited to see what God is going to do--for the glorious redemption of the ridiculousness of the present. I can feel something brewing. Maybe it was that coffee this morning (HA). Maybe it's a stirring in the innards of my soul. I don't know. I can see His fingerprints in so many different areas right now, and I know they will only become more apparent the more I keep my eyes open. I think the key is to always be looking.

In other news, and on a much less spiritual note, I will be making the long trek down to Oklahoma on Saturday. I'm starting to freak out a little bit, as I've never driven by myself for more than 5 hours. And this trip will be at least 12. So say a little prayer for me, if you remember. But I am really excited to be home for a week, despite the drive. It will be great to see everyone again. So, next time I update this, I'll probably be drinking a Sonic cream slush and putting a hurt on some Johnny's onion rings. Mmm.

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To Say Thanks

I'm going to try to start blogging more often. The more I write (and the more people tell me how awesome I am at it), the more I enjoy it. And the less I have to verbally update everyone on how things are going. The less small talk, the better.

Today I am going to write "thank you" notes for my graduation cards/gifts/money. Those kinds of things always feel like a chore, and I often wonder how much they actually mean to the people who receive them. But I'm also reminded of how ungrateful I usually am. About everything. So quick to chastise God about not turning all the stoplights green; so slow to even acknowledge that He gave me the ability to wake up this morning. This is a pretty cliche epiphany about which to write, but it's important nonetheless.

I have a friend who writes "thank you" notes all the time. She thanks God for beautiful days, her sunglasses for their reprieve from the sun, and her grandpa for reminding her that she is able to bear children. I feel like I would never have the time or energy (or desire) to go that far, but it's an attitude I'd like to adopt. Who knows, though. Maybe one of these days I'll decide to do that too. Baby steps.

Thank you, Starbucks barista, for making my drink (almost) just right.

Thank you, sun, for giving us a break today.

Thank you, "thank you" notes, for challenging me to do more of being grateful and less of not being grateful.

Also, here are the cards I almost picked...

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Keep Breathing

Sometimes life is dumb. But God always stays with you in His dealings. Stay in it. Fight the good fight. Finish the race. Even when you can’t see the finish line.

“Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.”

Psalm 77:19

God has a purpose for each and every seemingly hopeless experience. Sometimes His way takes us through the valley of the shadow of death; sometimes He simply allows us to lead ourselves there. But He works it all together. All of it. Redeeming each and every broken and limping step it takes to make it to the end. For His glory; for our good. The struggle isn’t pretty. The fruit of it is beautiful beyond measure.

Keep breathing. Hang tight; live with open hands. The battle is the Lord’s.

Photo found here.

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(Not) Swallowed in the Sea

That's the song I was humming as I clicked "New Post." Not much to tell about it yet, but maybe it will tie in once I wrap this up.

I'm currently sitting outside Starbucks, sipping an iced soy toffee nut latte, and skimming over my Xanga entries from 2004. It's been a good and crazy ride over the past six years. Thankfully, I don't wear my heart on my WorldWideWebbed sleeve as much as I used to. Unthankfully, I don't record the details of my life as often as I once did, so I have to rely on longterm memory (which is always an unreliable reconstruction, as cognitive psych will tell you) in order to let everyone know what I've been up to.

So, a lot has changed in the last month. I decided to stay in Anderson until at least December and be the receptionist at The Bridge Community Church. I quit working at the daycare. I'm single. I have the opportunity to head up the coffee shop "planting" in our church's new building. My best friend had a baby. I finally tried a Ricker pop.

I feel like I should explain, so the story is this. The Bridge staff offered me a job, and I saw an opportunity to do things I was passionate about. Not things for which I needed a college degree, but things I know I enjoy and can do well. It's funny, because I remember talking to a few of them at the beginning of the summer... They asked me questions like "What do you want to do with your life?" and "What are you passionate about?" I remember explaining that I wanted to get paid to do all the random things in ministry that have no job title: help behind the scenes, lead small groups for youth girls, etc. And now I'm getting paid to do those things. I saw this opportunity as an open door to help out with things the church needs - things no one else has time to take care of: organization around the office (something that's been lacking for the past few years) and connection within the youth groups (small group ministry). A lot of the things I do right now seem miniscule and tedious, but I think things are improving in the big picture. And it's great to be a part of it. The people at this church ARE the true Church. They live out love. They take interest. They say words, and they mean them. I'm learning how much I don't really love people... and they're showing me how to love them. It's humbling and life-changing, and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. AND I get to help run a coffee shop in a church, which is a whole other dream and blessing in itself.

It's all a little overwhelming, but it's all awesome. And God is redeeming all the changes, transitions, accomplishments, failures, and things in between. And it's beautiful, and infuriating, and glorious to be proven wrong once again. More than anything, it's a blessing to be able to talk to other people about it. For them to look at me with admiration/wonder/skepticism ("you're not dating Joel, but you're staying anyway?"), and for me to be able to tell them how incredible God has been through it all. How, as Lisa Pay puts it, "He graciously orchestrates train wrecks" in order to bring us to our knees. How I'm learning what faith looks like. How I really believe that this is where I'm supposed to be. How, at least for today, I've "arrived." And it's really cool.

And I'll definitely be ready for tomorrow's changes when tomorrow comes. No, I never aspired to be a church secretary. And no, I don't believe this is my life's ultimate calling. But today, this is where I am. And for today, that is all I need to know.

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